Exploring Parent/ Child Relationships in Khaled Hosseini's Kite Runner

Hosseini portrays and contrasts many different forms of parent/ child relationships in The Kite Runner, from the main protagonists, Amir and his tenuous relationship with his father, ‘Baba’. To Hassan’s contrasting, tender relationship with his father Ali. Through the exploration of these relationships Hosseini stresses the importance of parent/child relationships and the consequences of lack of love and neglect, the child can become insecure and in Amir’s case, his attempts of trying to win the father’s affection lead to devastating consequences.

¹Harvey Freedenberg remarked that a ‘source of tension in Amir’s life is his relationship with Baba, his hard-driving and demanding father. Desperate to win his father’s affection and respect...’ This is a very accurate representation of Amir and Baba’s relationship, as Baba is indeed the ‘demanding’ father, expecting more of Amir than possible, while young Amir is an insecure child vying for his father’s attention. An example of this can be seen through Baba’s indifferent response when Amir beats all his classmates in a poetry game, an aloof reaction which is no surprise to Amir.

The relationship between Amir and Baba is very precarious, principally arising from the disparity of the character’s attributes. While Baba is a strong, overshadowing extrovert character described as: ‘a towering/ Pashtun specimen with a thick beard, a wayward crop of curly brown/ hair as unruly as the man himself, hands that looked capable of up-rooting a willow tree…’. That coupled with Baba’s nickname ‘’Mr. Hurricane’’ Hosseini gives the reader the image of an overpowering man that commands attention with his presence. In contrast Amir, is described as an introvert and unsociable character, more likely to be reading books or ‘‘shuffling around the house like he’s lost in some dream.’’, behaviour that Baba does not understand. Baba feels Amir lacks the active masculine qualities, which he as a child displayed, as Baba was athletic as a boy and as a result is very disappointed that Amir prefers reading poetry than playing Baba’s favourite sports, such as football. These completely opposing character traits make it difficult for Baba to bond with Amir; which is why Baba, would rather work and spend time with Rahim Khan, than spend time with Amir, resulting in the young Amir, to sometimes wonder ‘why it was always grown-ups’ time with him.’ The italicism of ‘always’ puts emphasis on the word to illustrate the minimal time Baba spends with Amir but also puts a whining tone in the sentence to capture his child-like voice. Nevertheless it is apparent that Amir is desperate for his father’s love from the beginning, as Amir’s desire for love is also rooted in Amir’s first word: ‘Baba’.

Baba’s neglect of Amir leads to him being an insecure child this can be seen through the imagery that Amir would sometimes sit outside his father’s office with his ‘knees drawn to [his] chest ‘for an hour, sometimes two, listening to their laughter, their chatter’. The image of Amir in the fetal position; is an image of an insecure child and shows Amir’s desperation for love and attention. His desperation is also shown in Amir’s attempts to captivate his father’s attention through any means possible, it prompts Amir to pronounce: ‘I think I have saratan.’ A declaration, that he thinks he has cancer, is a desperate cry for attention, to get some kind of caring response or reaction from a father who has been ignoring him nearly all his childhood. Baba’s response to Amir’s declaration is far removed from the caring response Amir hoped to gain, as he continues to ignore Amir. It is due to this indifferent treatment, which leaves Amir craving for his father’s attention and resolves him to winning the kite flying tournament, leading him to commit the first of his ‘unatoned sins’.

After winning the kite tournament, although Amir wins and forms a bond with his father, Amir is still unhappy because his victory is tarnished by the fact that he stood by and did nothing, while Hassan was assaulted. Amir is also aware that, although his relationship with his father has improved for the moment; if he divulges to his father, that he witnessed Hassan being assaulted and failed to act, he knows that present bond with his father could be broken like the fragile kite made of paper and bamboo. However despite Baba remaining oblivious to Amir’s cowardice, of leaving Hassan to the mercy of Assef that winter, Baba and Amir’s relationship still deteriorates after a brief period of respite, where they allude themselves that they were both happy in each other and they’d deceived themselves ‘into thinking that a toy made of tissue paper, glue, and bamboo could somehow close the chasm between [them].’ The use of the word ‘chasm’, to describe their relationship, echoes, suggesting the gulf between them is too big to repair, especially since they both keep important secrets from each other.

Amir’s frequent; fragmented dreams of Baba wrestling a bear and Amir’s inability to differentiate the bears form, from his father’s, illustrates that Amir sees Baba as a strong heroic figure. It is also evident that Amir is continually proud of his father and that he is son; this is illustrated by Hosseini through Amir’s internal monologue: ‘Everyone agreed that my father, my Baba, had built the most beautiful house in Wazir Akbar Khan district,’ the repetition of ‘my father’ demonstrates that he is publicly proud of being Baba’s son because his father is a well-respected, rich businessman. Yet behind closed doors their relationship leaves a lot to be desired, as even the beautiful house in Wazir Akbar shows their distant relationship especially through photographs displayed around the house as Amir describes: ‘Baba and his best friend and business partner, Rahim Khan, standing outside our house, neither one smiling- I am a baby in that photograph and Baba is holding me, looking tired and grim. I’m in his arms but its Rahim Khan’s pinky my fingers are curled around.’ This picture reveals an accurate state of their aloof relationship that, as even though Baba was his true father, Amir was always closer to Rahim Khan because Rahim Khan provided the attention and encouragement, which he never received from Baba. In this respect it can be said that Rahim Khan provided a better father-figure role for Amir than Baba, since just as a good parent should, Rahim Khan encourages Amir’s literary talents as a child, also standing by him and encouraging him to talk of leaving Hassan in the alley, something which seems Baba would seem unlikely to do as he possesses strong morals and would be disgusted of what Amir had done. Furthermore, Rahim Khan provides Amir with a chance to atone for his past sins.

However as ²Mary Whipple pointed out The Kite Runner is not just a story ‘of Amir and Baba. It is also the parallel story of Hassan and Ali, their servants, who represent an entirely different world’. As Hassan and Ali are Shi‘ah Hazzara’s, in contrast to Amir and Baba’s Sunni mainstream Pashtun heritage, they are seen as in the bottom rungs of the Afghan social ladder and are seen to have been persecuted throughout history, which is why Baba’s association with an Hazzara woman, even if she was not married, would still have be seen as very controversial. The controversy surrounding Hazzara and Pashtun relationships in Afghanistan can be characterized by Rahim Khan’s description of, the look of disgust and horror ‘on [his] fathers face when [he] told’; them he intended to marry a Hazara woman. Rahim Khan’s remark that: ‘in the end the world always wins’ indicates that their division in their race as well as religion cannot be overcome, as no matter what; a Hazara can never be regarded as an equal to a Pashtun in Afghan society even if they ‘fed from the same breast’. 
 

The Hazara’s low status in Afghanistan is demonstrated through Hassan and Ali’s menial positions in Baba’s household but also more harshly revealed through Assef’s fascist and xenophobic behaviour towards Hassan, who he believes, is not a “true Afghan” because Hazara’s descended from Mongolian invaders of the 13^th century and are therefore distinctive in their features. Despite Assef’s ironic animosity and the community looking down on Hassan and his father Ali, they both accept their inferior positions in society. Hossieni poignantly demonstrates this through the parallel drawn between the ‘look of acceptance in the animal’s eyes’ being slaughtered, put adjacent to the look of ‘resignation’ in Hassan’s eyes. Hassan’s quiet acceptance to being raped by Assef can symbolize the submission of the Hazzara people as a lower race in Afghanistan throughout the years, from the Russian occupation through to the tyrannical rule of the Taliban who mass slaughter the Hazzara race.

Although the reader does not get an in-depth view of Hassan and Ali’s relationship, we get the impression that they have a much closer father/son relationship in contrast to Amir’s relationship with his father. Ali, in comparison to Baba’s rough attitude is described as ‘gentle’ and honourable, who expressed his emotions through his eyes as he ‘had a congenital paralysis of his lower facial muscles’. Although we are told by Rahim Khan that Hassan was Baba’s son, making him Amir’s brother, we get clues that Hassan is more than a just an ‘illiterate Hazara’ servant to Baba before it is revealed to us, specifically the event where Baba pays to get his lip-cleft removed, a present which seems unorthodox and leads us to question the true nature of their relationship. However despite Hassan missing out on the wealth of growing up in a mansion and instead living in a hut ‘on the south end of the garden, in the shadows of a loquat tree’ and not raised by his biological father, he receives better emotional care, in terms of love from Ali who ‘found his joy, his antidote’ in Hassan and it can be said that Hassan is a better person than Amir, as he is loyal, honest and according to Amir: ‘pure’. 

 

It can also be argued that it is Hassan’s good nature led him to forgive Amir, for not helping him, when he was assaulted, because Hassan understood the emotional neglect that Amir felt as a child. His understanding is presented by Hosseini through Amir and Hassan’s shared like for the story ‘Rostam and Sohrab’, in which the son ‘Sohrab’ unknowingly gets killed by his father ‘Rostam’, which may move Hassan ‘to tears’ so much because he can recognize Amir in the character of ‘Sohrab’. As just like ‘Sohrab’, Amir similarly is desperate for his father’s love but lacks the much sought after love; of his father, which Hassan is aware of because as Amir pointed out ‘Hassan always understood about [him]’, which could be argued is the reason why Hassan names his son Sohrab as a sign of forgiveness towards Amir.

However Amir and Baba’s relationship does improve a little when they move to America. Although it does not make Baba more supportive of Amir’s choices as Baba is very disappointed by Amir’s decision to become a writer because he does not believe its ‘real work’, however Amir sticks by his decision as he expresses that: ‘I didn’t want to sacrifice for Baba anymore’, as the last time he strove to make his father approve of him he had betrayed Hassan. In a way the relationship between Soraya and Amir’s relationship with their father’s are very similar, as both were emotionally neglected by their fathers, which is why Amir tried to strive for his fathers affection, while Soraya rebelled against Afghani custom by running away with a man. Both their fathers also seem to separate themselves from them, as Soraya explained of her fathers constant alienation, of himself from the family, while Baba also neglected Amir as a young boy. The Generals attitude towards Soraya’s chosen profession is also parallel with Baba’s attitude to Amir’s, as the General expresses his preference of her choosing a more prestigious job of being a lawyer rather than a teacher.

Through Amir’s one-sided narrative, the reader is given the sense that Baba is completely responsible for Amir’s wrongdoing as he says: ‘I didn’t want to sacrifice for Baba anymore. The last time I had done that, I had damned/ myself’. It can be seen as unjust that all Amir’s blame is placed on to Baba however the blame is not unexpected because the first- person narrative, although a very successful device for Hosseini to get across Amir’s childhood insecurities and feelings of abandonment, by his father, it tends to dominantly relate events from Amir’s biased perspective.Therefore it can be argued that Baba is not all entirely to blame for his distant attitude and behaviour towards Amir. As his attitude can be attributed to the fact that he himself never had a father-figure, as he lost his father at a very young age, which can be said, is why Baba did not know how to be a father to Amir.

Furthermore Baba’s reserved attitude can also be attributed to the ‘Afghan culture’. As culture is a dominant factor that permeates Afghanistan, since in Afghanistan; how children are brought up is largely rooted in their culture and Afghan culture is one that is based on traditional values. The women are expected to be demure, virtuous and modest while the men are expected to be masculine, athletic and proud. As Amir, contrary to Afghanistan culture and also Baba’s nature, is not athletic. Baba; therefore is unaware and unsure about how to connect with the placid Amir. He is particularly, unsure at one point, how to react to Amir crying at a game ‘Buzkashi’- a violent game that is an Afghanistan national passion. Amir’s tears, which are considered un-masculine, both made Baba feel uncomfortable and exasperate him.

However Baba, who was overtly masculine, shows that he cared for Amir in the only way he knew how, which was materialistically, as he provides Amir with the best education and tries to give him the best of everything, such as organizing Amir’s birthday and all Amir gives Baba is an unappreciative ‘half-hearted’ acknowledgement. What's more following the Russian invasion Baba was forced to evacuate from his beloved Afghanistan where he was greeted by people ‘who knew him and his father’ and was well-respected, to America where he was unknown, primarily to ensure that Amir was safe.

Moreover Baba also showed what a good father he was by working in a menial labourer job, once they move to America so that he can support Amir through his studies. It is obvious that Baba worked hard in his job, as Baba’s ‘grubby and calloused’ hands are a contrast to Amir’s ‘clean and soft’ student hands. Therefore after all his sacrifices, it is understandable that Baba questions and is somewhat skeptical of Amir’s uncertain career choice as a writer.

It can also be held that Amir himself is flawed, in that he is essentially a selfish and self-centered character, as all his thoughts revolve around himself, even when his father is about to get shot Amir’s internal dialogue is concerned with himself as he protests ‘what about me?’, displaying that he is, in nature, selfish character. Although it can be argued that Amir’s selfish attitude is a product of his up-bringing it can be said Amir’s egotism is innately great, as even after the event where Hassan is raped Amir’s thoughts are solely about the kite and he honestly admits that: ‘I can’t lie now and say my eyes didn’t scan for any rips’. Despite Hassan’s ordeal and his loyalty, Amir disregards him, as he is only concerned about himself; however he is not without a conscience and Hassan’s unwavering words: ‘For you a thousand times over’ haunt him throughout his life.

Bad judgments are also made by Amir, concerning his care for Hassan’s son, Sohrab; especially when Amir naively promises Sohrab that he will never go to another orphanage, resulting in Sohrab attempt to commit suicide, when Amir goes back on his promise. Sohrab spilled blood is not only congruent to Hassan’s blood, in the earlier chapter, after he was raped but is also symbolically representative of the loss of innocent childhood in Afghanistan and the hardships they face. As Hosseini aims to shed light on the uncertainty and instability of the lives of the children of Afghanistan, something which; is seldom conveyed in literature regarding Afghanistan. Hosseini also serves to further highlight the instability of Afghanistan; this is particularly reflected in the ominous end to chapter, reinforced by the caesura, where Amir claims: ‘suddenly Afghanistan changed forever’. The first gunshots fired in the streets Afghanistan serves to highlight that, where once a sound so foreign, is now, at present a regular occurrence, which the people of Afghanistan face and a sound that now the children: ‘would know nothing but the sound of bombs and gunfire’.

In conclusion it is clear that Baba and Amir’s relationship was one that even if Amir was the son Baba had ‘imagined’ Baba would still be reluctant to have a relationship with him, as Baba’s secret fathering of Hassan haunts him and distances him from Amir. Hosseini effectively creates two characters, through the relationship of Baba and Amir, where mistakes echo to the next generation demonstrating how adults’ present mistakes affect the younger generation. It is unclear whether Amir’s mistakes will also subsequently affect Sohrab as Hosseini’s leaves the reader with an open ending, where the reader can speculate the ending. However the resonance of Amir’s words of: ‘For you a thousand times over’ echoes as an spoken promise that he will stand by Sohrab and return the loyalty he was shown by Hassan and Sohrab’s counter smile indicates that there is hope for Amir and Sohrab relationship, will not reiterate that of Amir’s and Baba’s. The ending not only inspires hope for Sohrab and Amir but also for Afghanistan, the land that they love. 

Some of the pictures are from the 2007 adaptation of the novel. I sincerely recommend watching it; usually I prefer books to reading so it is very rare when I actually like a film so much more than a book like I did with Marc Forster adaptation of Kite Runner; I think he did an amazing job so go and watch the film after you read the book.